he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
