4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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