corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
