I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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