im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
