Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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