Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
