Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
