fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
