is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
