I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
