everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
