If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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