I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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