And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
