Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
