he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
