He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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