Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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