One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
