My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
