if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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