Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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