It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
