Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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