Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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