Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
