Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
