I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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