ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
