so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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