Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
