Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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