I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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