The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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