I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
