you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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