I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
