I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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