I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
