I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
