I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
