I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
