I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
