your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
