he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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