i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
