You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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