I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
