she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
